Earlier this week my husband and I went a friends house for coffee. They were so excited to show us their newly cleaned and organized garage. As we they proudly showed us around, I tried to imagine what it looked like before as they described it. They certainly hadn’t invited us to look at their garage before. Nor had they described a messy garage to us before it was cleaned out. I mean, I wouldn’t have if I were them. I like for people to see only the clean parts of my home.
I couldn’t help but reflect personally on times that I’ve had people over and only done so when my home (or front part of the home) is clean and organized.
Somehow, God took what I meant to be a fleeting reflection time, and guided me through a deeper process of exploring what healthy boundaries I have set and isolating walls I have built. We’ve (God and I) been working on this boundary thing for a while now.
We have discovered that I should be saying ‘No’ more often to things that compromise my family’s or my well-being. And I should be saying ‘Yes’ more often to things that strengthen us and grow us closer together. I should only be showing my “messy garage” to those that I trust to see the mess without judgement. And I should share about how messy my garage was with those that need to know about it and can be encouraged by what inspired the cleaning out. We’ve had to take a look at what I’m doing that is healthy in my relationships and not so healthy. We also are looking at what areas of my life I have people in that shouldn’t be there.
Jesus modeled well for us what healthy relational boundaries should look like.
They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Acts 2:42-47
You’ve heard of the 4 Relational Spaces, right? Well, some sociologists somewhere have determined humans need to belong and feel a sense of purpose together in 4 Relational Spaces.
Public Space
Social Space
Private Space
Intimate Space
In the scripture above, their impact came from meeting together in all 4 of these spaces. Jesus used these spaces too!
Public Space (large gatherings of 100’s to 1000’s)
Social Space (medium-sized gatherings of 20-70)
Private Space (family sized “Messy Refrigerator Rights”/”Messy Garage” relationships with 8-15, ) (Refrigerator Rights: A message series I heard once, many moons ago, at a previous church that to continues to speak to me to this day)
Intimate Space (1-3 people you completely trust, and they completely trust you).
I’m more of a visual learner and process information better that way too. So, I drew it out for myself my journal (below).
When you look at this “janky” illustration, what relationships have you placed in circles you probably shouldn’t have? Check in with Jesus about who should be in your Intimate and Private circles.
For example: Not everyone needs to know what your husband or wife needs to know. And not everyone needs to be able to walk in and be a part of a healing process of a messy situation in your life. But, maybe you need to let someone in to see that there is a messy situation that you need to allow God help you with.